Introduction

• We carry on a private dialogue and a public dialogue.

• We filter our private dialogue, only saying what we assume will be heard, will not upset people, will get us what we want, and so on.

• When everyone keeps important things private, our ability to learn and to make good decisions is reduced.

Dilemma

• If we keep our private dialogue private, we prevent ourselves and others from learning and from making good decisions.

• But if we say what we are thinking or feeling, we may make things worse by upsetting people, making ourselves vulnerable, and so on.

Ways out of the dilemma

• Be diplomatic or otherwise “pretty up” our private dialogue so it can be made public. There is a place for this, but it is not powerful. People usually see through cosmetic strategies.

• Recognize that how we are thinking and feeling in the first place is itself part of the problem, and learn how to transform our private conversation into something that we can make public.